So I'll just say it. There are some very creepy guys in the world. Especially the ones who come up to you & start talking to you as if you're their "baby mama." I mean, it's not everyday that I get hit on, but when I do, why is it always the nasty ones? The ones with b.o.? The ones who wear grills & wear their pants at their ankles? I must sound extremeeeeely racist & stereotypical, but that's the joy of having a blog where I am completely anonymous. I can say whatever I want & not feel (entirely) horrible for offending people -- because you don't know me :) But that's besides the point. My point is that I felt very uncomfortable at the library today & I'll tell you why.

I'm at the library studying for a Spanish test when I just happen to glance up & see this black dude wearing a doo-rag walking towards my table. I look back down & continue reading when he stops at my table & says, "Studying hard?" I respond, "Yeah, I have a test tomorrow." I should have ignored him, because the next ten minutes would be the most uncomfortable of my life. He proceeded to compliment me on my outfit (if you'd like to know, I was wearing a purple tee that, now that I think about it, may have been a little too tight) & asked me all these questions about what's my name, what was I studying, where I go school, what year I'm in in college, all of which I answered truthfully while in my head I'm thinking, "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ANSWERING HIM!?" Mind you, while he's talking to me & I'm talking back, I never look up from my book & never make eye contact. After a while he says, "I know I'm asking you all these questions & I don't even know you." "Yeah, I know." "Well, I know you're studying & I don't want to take up your time, so do you think we could continue this conversation later?" At that point, I look up at him &, wanting to say NO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE, I respond, "I don't know. I also work a lot & my schedule's really busy right now." "No, no, I hear you, baby girl. Let me give you my number." He gives me his number & says, "Call it real quick just to make sure it works." I knew he just wanted to get my number in his phone, but I didn't know what to do! So I let it ring once, then hung up. I felt stupid. He leaves and I feel gross.

You might be thinking, "What's the big deal? It could have been a LOT worse." Yes, that's true. But surely you can understand the discomfort & awkwardness of a complete stranger walking up to you & starting a conversation that you know doesn't feel right from the start. I'm sure the guy has some very nice qualities about him underneath that layer of creepiness, but right now he's just a creep to me. A creepy black guy with a doo-rag on his head & grills on his teef. Yes, I said teef. I just seemed appropriate for this kind of post.

And while we're on the subject, let me just say that I'm attracted to guys who, well, are the complete opposite of the one I encountered today. I appreciate great personal hygiene, broad shoulders, & slim/slender figures (not to be confused with skinny and lanky!). Preferrable attire would consist of slim-fit jeans, a plain, semi-fitted tee, & flip flops. I think that's hot. A little goes a long way. OH, and hair! Hm. I don't think I have a preferrence, as long as it isn't long enough to be in a ponytail. As long as I can tell they put effort into making it look nice. I like my men metro =)

I now realize that this post makes me look extremely superficial. I promise you I'm not. I just feel like meeting that black guy at the library has reinforced what I find physically attractive in the opposite sex.

Want to know something funny, though? His name is Zack. You'd think his name was Deshawn or Trevonte or something.

i'm going to give this another try...

After much debate and second-guessing, I've decided to reconnect with the anonymous world of the internet through blogging-- and I mean real blogging; not just surveys on Myspace or random updates on Xanga. Myspace caters to the stalker in all of us and Xanga just wasn't cutting it anymore. I was looking for a way to bear my soul to the entire world without exposing myself (you know, telling you things I can't tell my friends for fear that they would think I'm a bigger freak than I already am), and I came to the conclusion that Blogger.com would be the solution to all my problems.

But don't worry. I'll treat you like my friend. I'm going to tell you things I share with my friends all the time, but you get special access to the very back of my mind where my real thoughts are. This could potentially be very unhealthy-- becoming friends with (technically) no one. But then again, it is 12:32 in the morning and who the hell thinks straight this late at night/early in the morning? What I really want to know is why there's a fucking bird chirping outside my window in the middle of the night. See? I'm already letting you into the V.I.P. area of my head; I don't cuss in front of my friends because I know how uncomfortable it makes them. Once upon a time, this girl and her restless heart didn't cuss all that much, but then she started college and all of a sudden, she was spitting out obscenities like they were raining from the high heavens.

I'm not sure how long this cathartic blogging will last, but I do find it exhilarating to put myself out there with my opinions and feelings without having to explain myself to anyone because you don't know me and I don't know you. All you have to do is read and try to comprehend without thinking I'm stupid.